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PERSONAL STORIES - THERE IS HOPE

Testimony of people who where effected by problem gambling and have survived the ordeal. These people are the living proof that there is a way out of the maze.
Graham's Story Matts Story - Cheryl - Amy (daughter of Cheryl) -
An interview with John
Mark's Poem

A Courageous Journey of Insight and Self Discovery - Graham's Story

I am 46 years old and I’m a compulsive gambler.  I first started gambling at the age of 17, not long after I started working.  I used to bet on the horses at the TAB, and I remember that I had a few good wins in the early days.  This allowed me to escape from my mundane job and an unhappy life.  At 19 I was goaled for 9 months for committing false pretences.  I changed the balances in a couple of my bank books and drew out money that wasn’t in there, I also stole on one occasion from a youth group, these offences happened after I had gambled and lost my money.

In the late 1980’s I discovered poker machines and my losses became more frequent and more damaging financially.  I was desperately unhappy but when sitting in front of a poker machine nothing else mattered. 

I stole from friends or borrowed money with concocted stories to hide my gambling losses, I had become a pretty despicable person.  Over the years I knew my gambling was out of control, but I didn’t want to stop. 

In the 1990’s I met up with an old friend, he gave me somewhere to live and I have lived with him ever since.  I have lied and stolen from him in order to keep gambling, every time he has accepted me back and tried to help me with my gambling.  I am sure if it wasn’t for him I would not be alive today.

In 2002 after a very heavy gambling session where I lost $7,000 in two days at the casino, I finally realized I had hit rock bottom.  I started attending GA.  I found a fellowship where I wasn’t judged and realized I wasn’t the only gambler.

I started seeing a gambling counsellor about 18 months ago and this has  helped me immensely.

My counsellor has given me great help, encouragement and some real insight into my gambling behaviour as well as some practical tips and strategies for dealing with the urge when it strikes.  I still have busts from time to time but thankfully they are becoming less frequent and less damaging financially.  There has been no quick fix for me but the counselling has taught me strategies to limit the damage when it occurs.

I now like to think of myself as a recovering gambler, no longer compulsive but not yet cured, but a hell of a lot happier.  Every time I get the urge to gamble now I try to live the Serenity Prayer.

Graham.

The Serenity Prayer

God

Grant me

Serenity

to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage,

to change the things I can and

Wisdom

to know the difference.

Reinhold Niebuhr (1892 - 1971)

One man’s road back from ruin
"Matts Story"

(ROSS IRBY - by permission of Central Coast Express Advocate)

POKER machines are a major social evil, a reformed Central Coast gambling addict said. They cost him relationships, hundreds of thousands of dollars in assets and, possibly, a stroke caused by financial stress.

Mathew Turnbull, a father of two from Toukley, said his addiction took over his life at 18 as he poured all of his earnings as a brick layer into poker machines. He said he could have bought two or three homes with the money he wasted over 20 years – instead he rents and at 39 is recovering from a stroke.

‘‘It was just so easy going into clubs and always thinking you were going to win, but you never win really,’’ he said. He always found himself in front of the machines after work. It was nothing for him to blow $200 to $300 in one session. When this was eaten up, he would go and look for a mate to borrow more money.

‘‘You come home and say: ‘Sorry, there is no money to pay the rent’,’’ he said. ‘‘And you lie to cover up your gambling.’’

He said he had beaten the problem thanks to help from the Central Coast Problem Gambling
Service. Mr Turnbull now wants to encourage others to tackle their gambling problems. ‘‘It can be done,’’ he said. ‘‘I just wish I had done it years before. I’ve come a long way since I started – I’ve got money and even a boat.’’

Suffering a stroke just before Christmas was the beginning of his recovery process. ‘‘The stroke was a stroke of luck as it made me go and do something about it,’’ he said. Receiving plenty of support from his parents, Mr Turnbull phoned G-line (their posters are in many clubs) and for more than six months he has seen a counsellor with Central Coast Problem Gambling.

He tackled his serious financial problems with help from The Entrance Neighbourhood Centre.
‘‘I think they’re evil machines but I can now go into a club and not go near them,’’ he said.

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Cheryl

Hello, my name is Cheryl, I am 51 years old with 3 children, 2 of which are teenagers and still live at home. My eldest lives with her partner with my 4 lovely grandchildren. I have mentioned my family because my family are very important to me. You see I have had a very serious gambling and alcohol problem, which has worsened over the last 10 years. It came to head for me a year ago when I sought the help of a gambling counselling service.

I had completely lost control of my life and thank God I made that phone call because I don't think I would be here today to tell this story. I had contemplated suicide; you see I was hopelessly hooked on poker machines. I had started to borrow money from people. I was borrowing more and more and becoming more and more depressed. I had by now used up all available credit on my credits card. All my debts were due to gambling on the poker machines.

I can thankfully say my family hadn't gone hungry or really gone without anything other than a mum and grandma. I believed I had become a very selfish person whom I hated so much. I'm sure my family still loved me but they didn't like or respect this conniving woman who was their mum.

I was out of control and not seeing things too clearly and I hate to say I didn't care. I felt that I deserved some 'time out', I worked hard, and I was the breadwinner, so why shouldn't I go out! Sometimes it would cost me hundreds of dollars for my couple of hours out by myself.

I can clearly remember the day I phoned for a counselling appointment. I was sick, broke, depressed and so very ashamed. I had sworn so many times before that I wouldn't go to the club again, but……….I felt a hopeless person and prayed that someone could help me.

I arrived for my appointment. The counsellor didn't seem to judge me. I had become so guilt ridden I felt as though everyone could see through me. I felt like lying to cover up, but thought, no, how can they help me if I don't tell the truth as awful as it was? I received so much encouragement and education, I went away thinking, this may work!

I can say to this day just over 1 year ago I have not been to a poker machine or had any alcohol. I am so proud of myself but I have to say with all honesty I couldn't have done this alone. The caring, understanding, encouragement and awareness I have found in counselling is something words cannot describe. I would certainly recommend counselling for anyone with a gambling problem.

An added bonus for me is that it is 2 months since I have had a cigarette, something else I was addicted to. Even though it has been very hard at times I know that things I have learnt about gambling have helped me to give up other addictions.

Even though my life is now in order, I still attend counselling on a regular basis. I don't think I would go back to my old ways, but I guess it is only early days for me.

I feel my story is a bit of a rags to riches one. I certainly feel rich, because I have a family who now like, love and respect me. I even like myself and have self respect. I can walk around with my head held high as I now have nothing to hide.

Thanks for listening.
Cheryl

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Amy (daughter of Cheryl)

Hi, my name is Amy and I am 19 years of age. It has been 1 year since my mum has been gambling or been to the club. I am very happy and proud of her. If it wasn't for her gambling counsellor I don't think she would have made it this far.

My life is so much better now because mum is so much better and I feel I don't have to worry about where her last $50.00 is going. It may only seem a small thing putting money in the poker machines, but believe me it's not. Mum's whole family has suffered and that's not fair.

There must be a lot of people out there with the same problem and God help them. Words cannot describe to me how much better life is now that there's money and a normal healthy person around again.

I am writing this with so much heart felt passion for my mum's will power and to her counsellor. Who has helped mum to return to the beautiful person that she always was before she became obsessed with playing the poker machines and drinking excessively. A place I believe to be one of loneliness and solitude.

My mum was always such a beautiful person in looks and nature. The type that would put others before herself and do whatever she was able to help anyone in a mess with anything. She always worked hard to make sure that her family had what they deserved, a much better life than she knew of as a child. She would go that little bit harder all the time and no one suffered or went without, except her.

Then she began to play the poker machines. Not just every now and then, but sometimes up to 3-4 times a week. She would turn so ugly with her gambling and drinking habits the whole family began to suffer in some way. We never stopped loving her, but sometimes there was so much hatred, sadness and disappointment it was heart wrenching.

Nothing else mattered to mum when she was off to play the pokies, not tomorrow, not the groceries, not clothes, not even her children of grandchildren. I really thought the grandkids would sway her, but no. It worked a couple of times but in the end it seemed fruitless. Sometimes we would hide her wallet, money and cards. We would try almost anything to stop her, but nothing worked. She would just resort to borrowing more money, which was embarrassing for herself and her family. She seemed on a mission and God help anyone who stood in her way.

If she didn't lie and hide what she was planning to do, you would be told that YOU were selfish. The same story would be told, that she worked all week, that she has a house to keep and that she ran around for everyone else and never did anything for herself and so this is what SHE wanted and deserved. She would make excuses for her behaviour and turn it around so that we would feel sorry for her. This was her way out.

She would sit for hours alone at the club playing the pokies. Everyone would have to suffer the consequences the next day. She would have no money for food, she would borrow money to pay the bills, she would sleep away her weekends trying to hide from reality.

She would say that she was not going to play the pokies anymore heaps of times, but would inevitably fall back into the same trap, much to the disappointment of those close to her. It was they who had the horrible time of watching her diminish into such a sad human being.

Mum is one of the lucky ones who got away from the clutches of gambling. She realized the mental torture she was inflicting on herself and her family and did something practical about it. She sought the help of a gambling counselling service and it has worked.

Through her strong will, determination and counselling she has not played the poker machines for 12 months now. You cannot begin to imagine how proud we all are of her. No words can express the way we all feel, we are just so grateful to have our mum and grandma back.

We love her so much and are so proud of her determination to enjoy her life with those around her who love and adore her for what she is. She has indeed done herself proud.

I would like to personally thank her counsellor, for the positive and kind words that has helped mum to keep on going.

"Mum you are the wind beneath my wings" I am so glad you are now enjoying the simple things in life again, the ones that are priceless. I love you so much.

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An interview with John

Counsellor "Hello John. Well first of all I believe I owe you my congratulations. As I understand it, it's been a while since you've had your last bet and you haven't needed to see me for some time."

John "Yeah. I had one bet last year and…yeah that was about 12 months ago now."

Counsellor "So how's things going?"

John "It's been brilliant! I'm saving lots of money, my family life is excellent. It's great! I don't look for form guides anymore. My mum, brother, my son, they can all notice the changes in me."

Counsellor "It must seem like another life you were living before. Can you remember what it was like when you first came to see me?"

John "Well I know at that stage I was in big trouble with the gambling. I was in trouble with the law, up on fraud charges. I was down to my last dollar, and I was very down in the dumps."

Counsellor "And that's what brought you here?"

John "Yeah, well it was just before going to court. I blew $100,000 of fraud money, and I was looking at a gaol sentence of around 12 months or more. But all that stress wasn't the only reason why I came to see you, the main reason was to get rid of this habit. It was taking over my life. I was hurting my family, the people I love most, and it was destroying me! I just wanted to stop and knew I had to have some help."

Counsellor "So now that you've faced the courts, how have things turned out?"

John "Well, I consider myself one of the luckiest blokes alive. I got 15 months home detention - and I'm now 7 months into it."

Counsellor "So home detention, how is it?"

John "It's pretty tough, not being able to leave the home, having the bracelet on, you're traced as soon as the step out. But I'm still very lucky and I'm trying to make the most of it. I'm studying , I've got my son so I get to have time with my little boy. So I'm very lucky, if I was in gaol I wouldn't be able to do that. So sure, there are things that I don't like about it, but when I think of where I could be I'm happy."

Counsellor "And your studying now and looking at your future - that's great! Where do you think you would be if you hadn't asked for help?"

John "I'd be in gaol for sure. I would've lost everything. See, I wasn't going to work but I was always thinking of how I could get money to gamble, be it legally or not - and illegally I did! So if I continued I would have lost the lot. My mum, my brother, the people who are my biggest support, I would have lost them. If anything like this was to happen again, which it won't, they would be gone from my life and I hate to think what that would mean. They were my support at court and with getting counselling, even when I was not at the stage of accepting I had a problem, they could see it and they still stuck by me. They were…I just don't know how I could get through this if they weren't there. And I would lose them; lose all that, if I'd kept going."

Counsellor "So you giving up the punt means something to those around you, as well as yourself."

John "Definitely! I gave up for myself, 'cause I could see what it was doing to me. But then I looked at my family as well and I could see what it was doing to them. Gee…you know, I'd even take money from my mum, out of her purse. So they could see I was getting into trouble and it was pulling the family to pieces. So I did it mainly for myself but if you look into your families eyes, and you see it, what it's doing to them, yeah, I did it for them too."

Counsellor "You're family obviously mean a great deal to you. I couldn't imagine how terrible it would be in gaol and only seeing them on weekly visits. What about your son, how would it be to have him visit you in prison?"

John "No, it wouldn't happen. I wouldn't let him see me in a place like that. And that's the hard part, I would miss him growing up for 12 or 15 months of his life. It scares the shit out of me to think that my boy could have missed out on his dad when he's so…No, I don't even want to think about it. I'm just so lucky it never happened."

Counsellor "Well maybe it's a good time to change the subject then. So tell me what things have happened for you since you've completed counselling."

John "Well thing are great! I've actually been allowed to start a job that I can do at home while serving my detention. My bosses know about my sentence and they've been great, I'm studying by correspondence, my family are excellent. My son stays with me five nights a week, so he's there with me and mum. So really things couldn't be better… And I'm not gambling!"

Counsellor "Brilliant! You must wonder if it's the same life, the same you?"

John "When I think of when I got arrested and I saw my mum's face when she bailed me out of gaol. Its worlds away. I spent three days in gaol, and in there I knew I needed help. That was the end of the line and that's when something had to be done. Seeing my mum's face, that was it! When your family mean the world to you and you realize what you've done, you say, "That's it, get help, you needed it"."

Counsellor "It sounds like sitting in gaol, you came to some realization of what you were doing and what it had all amounted to. How it affected you and everyone else."

John "Definitely! I'd hit rock bottom, that was it. I couldn't go any further…like I said, fraud. And I didn't feel right as a person, so in gaol I realized."

Counsellor "But surely there where other times when you knew you were in trouble?"

John "Oh yeah! Countless, but it was in there when I really cut through the bullshit. I really saw, felt the reality of this crap I'd been doing. The cold hard fact of what I'd allowed myself to become and it hurt."

Counsellor "I guess every body has their limit and this was yours. For some people it can be difficult to ask for help. Hadn't you asked for help early, before gaol?"

John "I went to a few places and I had different experiences in counselling and sitting in groups but nothing really worked for me."

Counsellor "So what was different this time that helped to make it work?"

John "Well now that I think about it, it was that I was more willing than I was in the past. This time I was willing to look at whatever issues may have influenced my gambling. Like, things started to go bad for me around eight years ago when my father died, and my grandmother died as well."

Counsellor "That's right, we didn't just look at gambling, did we?"

John "No, for me there was some emotional stuff around my fathers' death that I really hadn't dealt with. It was like whenever I'd gotten into trouble it was somehow linked to those emotional times."

Counsellor "Yes that's right. And although that's not always the case, I do remember that working with you at that deeper level was very valuable and beneficial."

John "Yeah, I addressed stuff around my fathers' death which I didn't really get over. So we spent a lot of time on that subject and other stuff that was not just the gambling. All the personal things in my life that would make me want to go out and gamble."

Counsellor "Was that a surprise to look at such a wide range of issues?"

John "It was a bit but back then I thought I could just give it up, and the only reason I was doing it was for fun. But I came to realize that the days I needed to gamble were around times when I was thinking about my dad or my marriage, and I come to realize that all these things are linked to my gambling. You think, "Oh, this is why I did $1000 that day and this is why I did $1000 that day". You start to put the pieces together."

Counsellor "Lots of people gamble for different reasons and not everybody knows why. But for you it seems that this was important and it helped to put things into some perspective."

John "Yeah well, I could pin point a few days when I was going out to gamble and how I was feeling on that day. But when you're in it, it's like "Well its Monday, where are the races on today"? And I'd just get out there and do it."

Counsellor "But somehow you stopped all that and, although you got some help, ultimately it was you who did the work, and it was you who stopped. You must have learnt some things about yourself you never realized before."

John "I learnt that I've got a lot of strength…to be able to overcome what I did, I was dedicated. I learnt that you've got to get over things, to get on with your life, like what I said, with my dads' death. And I learnt that inside I'm a good person and even though I've had hick-ups along the way, with help I pulled through. So basically I learnt along the way we are all going to have hick-ups but if you put in the effort, you'll come up roses."

Counsellor "You now know that you really are a decent person, that you do have strengths. And if you deal with problems as they arise, really dealing with them, emotional and practically, that helps you to get on with your life and be that person you want to be. - So now that you are being that person, what's happening for you?"

John "I've got a lot more confidence in myself now, my attitude toward myself. I can now look at myself and what's happening in my life and feel good. To be able to pick up the paper now and read the sports or the news and not even think about the form guide, there is nothing negative that has come from me giving up gambling - it's all positive!"

Counsellor "Yeah but was it always this rosy, surely there must have been times of doubt?"

John "Well, the first was a bit nerve racking. But when I new I had a problem, then I was here to fix things for myself. I thought "I could go to gaol, but even if I do I still want to get rid of this problem". And that's the thing; I don't think it would have worked if I was coming to counselling to just satisfy the courts or my family. Maybe that, and some counselling that didn't do much for me, is why things were hard in the beginning. But again, if you stick to it, I think you can find some one right to help you."

Counsellor "That's a good point. Not all people are suited to the same kind of counselling and there are many counsellors out there, plus there is no counselling method that can help anyone who doesn't want to accept it. So if someone is in trouble it's up to them to first admit it, then find the right help. But I'm wondering now if there was anything that we did together that didn't help?"

John "No, not at all! We looked at a time line of where I was and where I wanted be. It was work, but it all worked out perfectly. It hit the spot. I opened up and spoke of things that I haven't even told my mother or anyone. So I thought it was great - it got things out of my system. I'm the type of person who bottles everything up and that's why my gambling got out of control. So it got everything out into the open and it was excellent to finally get rid of it, get it all off my chest."

Counsellor "And now all that is off your chest, now you've gotten rid of it, what's in the future for you?"

John "Well I'm still doing home detention, so the next eight months will be hard. I'll get through that, then I'm going on a holiday with my son. We've never been away before, I could never afford it, but now I'm getting some money together we're off for two weeks just before Christmas. Then I'll start next year in the job I have and hopefully things will continue to improve the way it has been. So the big test will be when I'm off home detention but life will be just me and my son - instead of going to the pub for hours I'll be going to the park with my son. I'll be doing the normal things, like coming home from work and cooking dinner, instead of stressing about where I'm going to get some money to buy food after every Saturday. I won't have any of those problems any more. So although it may sound funny, I think all this is the best thing that has ever happened to me. That's not just my opinion either, a lot of my family say so as well. It's calmed me down a lot; I'm saving some money now."

Counsellor "You really have come out of this with some positive things. Your attitude of yourself, your family, some real inner strength and wisdom, and now motivation and even some money. I wonder, with the wealth of experience and wisdom you've gained, what advice would you give to someone who maybe thinking they might have a problem but aren't sure what to do?"

John "Even if you've got a little bit of doubt that there is a problem or not, go and see someone. Because there's trained professionals who can help identify if there is a problem, and they can help you out if there is. So I'd say, "Take the next step and get on the phone, talk to your family, see if they think you've got a problem and just express what you're thinking to people. Don't keep it inside, because the longer you keep it inside the worse things will get".

Counsellor "But what about someone who's a little scared of getting help, or they may think it's for mad people?"

John "Yeah, I was one of them! But when it all boils down, your life will always be the same unless you do something to address the problem. Sure you can keep carrying on, but when is enough enough? It all depends on whether the fear of asking for help is worse than the pain you're putting yourself through. For me sitting in a gaol cell was enough, but it didn't have to be that way. When I really did what was necessary to address the problem I wish I had of done it years go, it's like "What was I so scared of anyway?" It may seem scary but the biggest hurdle is admitting there's a problem, being man enough to go in there."

Counsellor "The biggest hurdle is admitting the problem?"

John "Yeah! The first step is the most important step. If you can just talk to someone about it, then talk to a counsellor. Say "This is what I'm doing, this is what I've done", they will be able to sit through it with you. They're there to help."

Counsellor "Well thanks John for giving us your insight for this interview. I only hope what you have shared can be of help someone who maybe wondering what they can do. Is there anything else you'd like to say that may help someone who has realized they have a gambling problem before we leave?"

John "If you want to end up in gaol continue with what you're doing. But if you want to have a better life, get the help you can. As soon as you do that your life will change, you'll be able to walk into a pub or a club and be able to just sit and talk to your friends, not worry about the next race or the poker machines. You'll be free, you'll have your life back again."

Marks Poem

Attached is a copy of a poem written by Mark.  You can either download it in PDF format & print it, or simply read it here on-line.

Marks Poem

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